Being a momma brings a lot of emotions

Today my sweet Londyn is 7 weeks old. The past week or so she has been attached to my hip. Sometimes she just needs her momma, I love to feel needed. Yesterday as I sat at the table eating lunch with my family, it hit me. I am going to be leaving her in about a week and what if she needs me. Parents come in all the time dropping their kids off crying and worried that they don't calm down. I always said I didn't want to be that parent. But today I realize that I am so going to be that parent. I know she will be just fine with Heather, however, I'm her mom and I want to be there to comfort her when she has a belly ache, can't sleep, wants to eat, or just needs to cuddle by mommy. Why do I feel guilty for leaving her? I never thought that it would be so hard and now I am facing it all. I wish I could be a stay at home mom. Maybe I could be if I didn't want a house, dinners out, and shopping sprees. I do realize, as I tell all of my parents, this is best for Londyn. She needs to be exposed to other people than just Keith and I, we need time away, it is best for her. I don't know how I will make it through, but I know that God will give me the strength.
As we celebrate 7 weeks of good health and growth I stand amazed. She is becoming so much more alert, following voices and objects, and even responding at times.
I have attached a video clip of her this morning. While I was showering I put Londyn in her pack-n-play knowing she would be safe there. When I got in she had just woke up from a 10 minute snooze, but I knew I wouldn't be long. So at the end of my shower I heard her crying (so I thought). When I got out I listened to hear if she was really upset or not. I walked in to her making noises and entertaining herself, check out the video on my facebook page.My little girl is growing so much. I want her to stay a baby forever, but she does have to grow up. So as she becomes more of a little girl I want to embrace every moment possible with her.

My baby is growing

This week as I have switched Londyn to 0-3month clothing rather than just Newborn, I have began to reflect back on these last 5 weeks of her life in this world. I don't remember much from the day she was born, whether it was the spinal I was given for surgery or the fact that the moment was so surreal I am not sure. I do remember her being brought into the room at the hospital for her nightly feedings, sharing her through out the day with friends and family. I also remember that first week home with her and wondering how I am going to be able to do this. How could I be trusted with her life? As I held her that first week and her body was still stuck in a little ball from the lack of room she had in the womb.
Now she can lift and hold her head, half roll over, following objects placed in front of her, and recognize our touch and voices. On Tuesday Keith came home for lunch and was spending his time with her. She laid in his arms watching everything he did, smiling at things he said, and even responded with a kiss when held up to his cheek. Now when holding Londyn she can wrap herself around me, rubs my skin, and tries to react to what I say. I am loving all of the new things that I see in her. We are learning what works for her, what each cry means, and to cherish every moment.
As I was searching some lyrics on youtube I clicked a related song from Heartland- I loved her first (was written from a fathers perspective, but all the same) . I am realizing that she will be going to preschool in a year, kindergarten in 5 years, high school in 15 years, college in 19 years, and getting married shortly after that. I am not sure that I am ready for that or that I ever will be. I just want her to forever love and admire me, never be too cool for me, and always want to curl up in the "sleeping" chair and sleep the morning away.
Parenthood is an amazing blessing that I thank God for every day.

As I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time I realized that for the mother it is not about getting praise and thanks, but rather it is a day that I stand in awe in the opportunity to parent my sweet Londyn. I look for many years of cuddling, shopping, walks, playtime, dress up and whatever else two girls can do together;).

My sweet Londyn is growing very fast and tonight I am reminded to slow down and enjoy the moment. Speaking of which, she is sound a sleep in my arms. Tonight we will cuddle together in the chair until morning comes.

He knew what He was doing when he gave us our miracle

It's been a few weeks since I've cried just because. Usually I am crying because Londyn is upset or having stomach issues and there is nothing I can do for her.
Today her hospital pictures came in the mail. As I looked at her pictures seeing how much she has changed I began to think about how it felt that time in the hospital. First off the staff at Clarian Arnett Hospital were amazing. We were treated with the upmost respect, cared for as if we were family, and our little Londyn was loved by each one of them.
Something that we had talked about, but I hadn't really thought about is the miscarriage of last April. A year ago April we were grieving for the loss of our baby. This April we were rejoicing in the birth of our daughter. So as I sat here today looking into her beautiful eyes, seeing her hospital pictures, and feeling the love I have for her, I began to realize that it was all in God's plan. I never knew that I could love someone so much that I didn't "pick out". I also realize that if we didn't go through the pain last April we would not have this bundle of joy, named Londyn. With all the bleeding and stuff that caused me to go on bed rest, God could have kept her for himself, but he didn't.
I am so glad that He took care of us and provided us with such a blessing. Tomorrow I will be celebrating my first Mother's Day! It is truly a day to rejoice. I'm not in it for the appreciation, but rather for the joy I get out of being a mother. See today I can sit here and hold my sweet Londyn while shes rubbing her fingers along my shoulders and making little sounds. This is something I could be missing out on, but rather I am rejoicing in.
I feel blessed to have my little miracle, Londyn. I am so glad He knew what He was doing!