When I was young, 8 years old I recall, my parents separated and were divorced. By age 9 my sister (my best friend) got married and moved 1.5 hours from me. By age11 my family decided to move to Bedford so we could be close to my sister (that was a great move, I sure did miss her). At this time I was in the fifth grade mid year trying to fit in. I lived a year and a half at a school that people were mean. Girls were mean, they were mean girls. I ran to the bathroom many times to cry because I was made fun of, you get my point.
In high school I had an identity crisis and didn't know who I was or even who I wanted to be. I tried to be someone I was not. I tried to fit in the crowd and make the friends that every girl wanted. In high school I dated a guy for 3 years, was "madly in love" with him. (Oh girl hormones, what was love?) He was a great person but had a lot of issues he needed to work out for himself. It wasn't for me to be in the middle of.
Through out high school I went to a few churches, some people might have called me a "church hopper". I grew up in my sister and brother-n-laws church. But I soon realized that it is was not easy for anyone being related to the pastor family. You were always held at a higher standard. So I decided to adventure out to different locations around town. The second church that I went to I had the pastor pull me in his office after a very moving service and tell me I was not welcomed back to his church. Seriously, do people really do that? So I began my journey again. I found a church that I liked a lot. At this point I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time. I began to go through a spiritual crisis. I didn't know what I believed personally. I was raised one way and decided to go with it. But at 18 I decided to explore my options. I wrote a letter to a close friend at the time explaining how I felt, which led to an awful meeting with that pastor.You can guess where that meeting went.
At this time I was in my junior year of high school and was tired of the "church" and decided I wasn't even going down that road again. It was at that point that I met Keith. Barely knowing him I shared that I had no desire for church and that people were stupid for judging. He explained that not all church people are like that and I should go with him and try it out. And I did, which led to me feeling loved by God's people. You see the issue here is that it was not the same denomination as I had grown up with. But the people were not judging me and they loved me. At this point I found my dedication to the church. It didn't come easy. Actually my dad argued with me because he thought I was throwing my life away.
I remember the summer Keith and I met. We agreed that we would only date for the summer and then break up when it was time for me to finish high school and for him to go to ONU. LOL.....who really thought that would work. Needless to say January I was graduating mid term from high school and packing my bags for ONU.
A year into my journey at ONU my father lost all of his businesses and didn't know how he was going to pay for my college. This was probably one of the biggest times in my teen years that I had to lean on the Lord. You see I laid awake many nights at 2/3:00 in the morning crying because if there was no money to pay for college how would I make it. I found great comfort in that school, I loved the private small classrooms and godly women I was around.
Through much prayer, I was able to get a job and the help of my mom, I finished college. Which brings me to 5 years ago....
By the grace of God Keith and I were married. We had quite the journey that led to our wedding day. We did it, we were married, it finally happened, let life begin.
Before I had graduated from ONU I had done an internship at Lafayette First Church of the Nazarenes (LFCN) preschool, Kiddie Kollege. Funny how things work. A few months after we were married and a door opened for me to take the Director position. (Sitting back today I am wondering what I was thinking at 23 when I took that position, I love my job but seriously a 23 year old with such responsibility).
3 years ago Keith and I decided that we wanted to have kids and the journey began. at 10 weeks of being pregnant we found out that our baby's heart never started beating. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!) Seriously, why would God do such a thing! 3 months later we found out that we were pregnant with our second baby. Londyn Rae was our miracle baby. She had us on our toes from 23 weeks until it was time to deliver (check out my previous post to read her story). Londyn was due the same month that we lost our first baby. How awesome is God?! He knew that April would forever be an awful month and he gave me a baby to take the sorrow away and make it one of my favorite months.
You are asking why am I writing all of this. You see, yes I changed denominations 10 years ago and I do wear pants and probably look "worldly". But here is the truth, I love the Lord my God with all of my heart and soul. If it weren't for Keith stepping me in and walking me through this part of life called Faith I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be working in a Godly environment, I wouldn't have my husband, and I wouldn't have my girl.
Last weekend I was singing in the shower with Londyn (No, I do not sound better in the shower) part of the song 10,000 reasons. Bless the lord oh my soul;Oh my soul;Worship his holy name; Sing like never before;Oh my soul;I worship you holy name. Londyn began to join in with me and before you knew it we had our own worship gathering, just us and the shower curtain.
At that moment I realized that it didn't matter what others thought of me the day before. It doesn't matter how people may view me because I have a story. A story of grace and second chances. A story that I will never forget. A story that if it were not for God intervening many times I might not be living nor where I am today.
I feel blessed that I am loved by my Lord this much. I am thankful that I have a little girl that is growing to know just how big her God really is.
