Happy Birthday Coconut!

Dear Lony Rae,

     I cannot believe that you are three! When you turned one I said you were no longer a baby. When you turned two I said you were such a toddler. Today I say you are such a big girl, no longer a toddler! Every year I reflect back to when I first met you in my womb. All of the complications that came with having you in my belly we got so excited each time we heard your little heart beat. It was just another sign that God was working a miracle in keeping you alive.  From about 5 months into my pregnancy you were ready thought you were ready to come out of my belly. But we all knew it was way too early. Now you are asking to go back into my belly. A matter of fact, you cry when I tell you that you may not go back in.  Someday you will laugh about this. You also want two sisters NOW, someday you will know how much you were asking for at the time:). I think I have convinced you that your kitty, Minnie, is your sister.
   If someone asked me to describe you in just a few words, I believe I would say: She is funny, full of energy, and a girl with a golden heart. You have stolen a lot of hearts of a lot of people. They love you so much, I hope you grow to know them more and how much they mean to you.  Just in the past two months you like to talk about your day, usually you start the conversation. You are able to put two things together. For example if you hear a song at home you may say "we sung that at church" or "we sing that at my school". You are learning what is right and wrong and how to tell what you should do.
   The thing that I love the most about you is how big your heart is. You like to play with your friends and make sure that they are included in your play. If someone is crying you want them to feel better. Every night you pray for your friends and family. Since December you have prayed that your friend Camryn to feel better (what you didn't know is that he had cancer). When I told you this week that Camryn is better, you knew who his healer was and you were sure to claim it! This is the beginning of a servants heart. I pray that God will continue to grow in your heart and that you never forget him. And if you do forget him, I pray you find him again. I pray that you always remember the scripture that is planted in your heart, the songs that you rejoice in, the belief that God can do all things. One day you will find out how big your God is and how much in time of need, when no one else is around He will always be beside you.
     you love to play with babies, princesses, trains, and outdoors. You love princess and ballerina movies. Sometimes I can convince you to watch my movies if you think there will be a princess in it:).
    At your birthday party this year you wanted to have Minnie mouse, and Minnie Mouse we had! You were really involved in the party planning, from the cupcakes to the people that came. We did a bounce house and I believe you could have played in that for hours:)
   Today I wish I could bottle you up and keep you this little forever, but I know that one day you will be running out the door into some young mans car while barely telling me bye and that you love me, you will no longer want to admit that you are my girl. Some day you will marry a prince of your own and have children. Some day you will be a great mommy. But today I want to enjoy you thinking that boys are good for friendships and that baby dolls are real. Today I want to embrace you and the big heart that you have. I will enjoy you wanting to help make dinner, even though sometimes its easier to do myself, because someday you will not think I am cool.
   You are a beautiful girl that will forever hold a huge part of my heart. I am praying for your growth in the Lord as daddy and I show you.

   Thank you miss Londyn for letting me be your mommy I am thankful for you my little Coconut!

Merry Christmas and all that it means!

Christmas is most definitely my favorite time of the year. Everything about it: The weather, the meaning, the tree, the presents, baking, family, a cozy home filled with p.j.'s, hot chocolate, Christmas music, and a beautiful fire in the place.

This year we added some traditions to our family's Christmas for the sake of Londyn and we loved them!

 Last year we started the talk of Jesus' Birthday. This year we went crazy about it! Londyn LOVES birthdays! and COULDN'T WAIT for Jesus' to come around. She loved sharing the story of his birth and all the conversations that led up to his birth. I'm not sure how out of the whole month it was out I missed a picture of her telling the story. Christmas morning we were so excited to sing Happy Birthday to our Savior.

Another tradition that we started this year was bringing Ruby, our elf on the shelf, to our home. Ruby was loved by all but especially a little blond curly hair little girl. Ruby was a blast and we were sad to see her go but so excited that she is helping Santa out at the North Pole for next year. Ruby left Londyn a cookie to help with her leaving our home.

Londyn brought Santa into the home this year and I have to be honest it was a lot of fun. Keith and I have been on the fence with the whole Santa talk, do we do it or not? But when Londyn started talking about the Jolly cookie eating fellow we couldn't break her heart. So Santa was a ton of fun. Black Friday we ran out to the Bedford Wal-Mart to grab a few things and Santa was there taking free pictures. I am pretty sure Londyn believes that Wal-Mart is the North Pole. That day she asked Santa for a cup. Later she asked Santa for "a white dog that say woof woof and walks".

I am a lover for pinterest and so of course I went digging for fun things to do around Christmas. I found this cool idea of wrapping Christmas books and opening one per night leading up to Christmas. It was a blast and Londyn always asked "What is it mommy? I thinks it's a book" You can only imagine how she was the first gift she opened that was not a book:)>.

We made more cookies and candies than this girl could handle, my scale is not happy with me. However, it is something that always brings the family together and I can't pass that up. We even made cookies for Santa and Ruby.

While in Bedford, Londyn and mammaw got to build a snowman or two or three:). I'm not sure who enjoyed it more:)

Londyn and I took the rest of that week off from school/work and did some major organizing and girl time. What a blast. I thought it was perfect for her to be able to enjoy all of here Christmas and just lounge in our jams and that is what we did. Londyn even sent me to preschool one day, she is a great teacher.

Oh and I became an Aunt AGAIN!
Here are the pictures of our wonderful adventures of Christmas!


Christmas skyping with meemaw: (What did we do before Skype?!)

Christmas at mammaw and papaws:

Snowball fight

building snowmen with mammaw

eating snow

Writing her name in the snow

Making breakfast

telling the story

handing out stockings

dancing with RaggedyAnne

Ruby 

Listening to papaw read the story of Christmas

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One excited girl!

Christmas at home:

Checking out everything first thing

LOVED her dollhouse

couldn't believe that Santa brought her what she wanted:)

Can barely wait to open!

my mistake for letting the van be the first thing she opened. 

dollhouse complete

playing with daddy. No really, her daddy was all about this

teaching me my ABC's

A late Christmas gift that we got was a kitten that for now remains named kitty. I couldn't tell her no when I held her so I am officially a crazy cat lady and I can't lie. 

These are memories made and I hope that we never forget them. I hope you had as blessed of a Christmas as we did. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

"Mommy, you happy?"

Some of the biggest things as a mom that I try to give Londyn is confidence, acceptance, to show her how to love, and just how big her God is.

Recently Londyn moved into the 2 year old classroom at Preschool. I thought it would be an easy transition for her since her teachers tried so hard to prepare her for the changes and new room. I remember the first week of school day 4 her teacher saying to me "we never give timeouts the first week of school". At that point I knew that Londyn was being a trying 2 year old and that the next few weeks would not go as hoped. Week 2 came and I am pretty sure she had a time out every other day, week 3 and every day was a time out. I was trying to figure out where I had gone wrong with training her and helping her get ready for these big changes. I tried to tell myself that she is just one of the younger students in the group and that is why she is struggling. I tried to tell myself that she is just 2 and these things happened. At the end of week 2 I realized that I was doing no favor by chalking it up to be a young year old behavior. Week 3 we took many things away as a consequence to her behaviors. I believe Dora lived on the shelf for a good 3 days and the little pink phone was up there for a day. Then I began to bribe her with things that really really mattered to her.....painting her toenails, candy, Sprite, and going to the park. It was like one day she woke up and I had my old Londyn back!
I'm not saying that she doesn't have bad days (there are pros and cons to working at the same school as your child), there are a few days that are trying.
Right now we are really trying to teach Londyn that you don't follow everyone else and that you have to make good choices. That is hard for a two year old to understand. Just today I was observing her in the gym and they were teaching the children how to play Two year old "kickball". I watched as one student began rolling on the floor and putting her feet up in the air. As soon as Londyn caught sight of that she began to do the exact same. I quickly responded with "Londyn that is not what you are suppose to be doing right now, you should not follow what your friends are doing". She was quickly back to sitting crisscross applesauce and doing what she was suppose to.
Back to the timeouts. If she has a good day we know because there will be a sticker on her daily sheet. As soon as I grab her papers out of her cubby that is the first thing that I look for and she knows it. Most of the time as soon as she sees me at the end of day she will say "NO TIMEOUTS MOMMY, I GOT A STICKER". There is pure joy in her voice with these words. We make stickers a big deal! Lately I have been saying "Londyn you got a sticker today!" She in return says "You happy mommy?" "Yes girl I am SO happy".
YES!!!! It is in her! She tries so hard to make us happy. For her to know that getting a sticker makes us happy is a beautiful thing it really is. It is even more beautiful to have that joy when my little 2 year old says to me "mommy you happy!" I've got the Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart, where? Down in my heart..... I could just break out in song (if you have ever heard me sing you know she should run!)

I want to make sure that my little girl never forgets how proud I am no matter what she is going through. At the end of the day no matter what happens I love her and nothing in this world would change those warm fuzzy feelings I have for her.

My God is bigger than my story

Recently I was at a party and had seen people I hadn't seen in years. I thought it would be great to catch up and see how life has been treating them. About 2 seconds into me talking I realized I was not really welcomed in their conversation. I asked myself what in the world would cause someone to treat me in such a way that I felt little and stupid. Then it hit me that I was not being judged by my character, rather I was being judged by the way I was dressed (pants and a shirt). Ugh is all I can say. This has really made me think about my story and how I got to today. You may be bored by line three of my story and I will totally understand if you stop reading. I want to write this though so I never forget where I came from and how I got to today.

When I was young, 8 years old I recall, my parents separated and were divorced. By age 9 my sister (my best friend) got married and moved 1.5 hours from me. By age11 my family decided to move to Bedford so we could be close to my sister (that was a great move, I sure did miss her). At this time I was in the fifth grade mid year trying to fit in. I lived a year and a half at a school that people were mean. Girls were mean, they were mean girls. I ran to the bathroom many times to cry because I was made fun of, you get my point.

In high school I had an identity crisis and didn't know who I was or even who I wanted to be. I tried to be someone I was not. I tried to fit in the crowd and make the friends that every girl wanted. In high school I dated a guy for 3 years, was "madly in love" with him. (Oh girl hormones, what was love?) He was a great person but had a lot of issues he needed to work out for himself. It wasn't for me to be in the middle of.

Through out high school I went to a few churches, some people might have called me a "church hopper". I grew up in my sister and brother-n-laws church. But I soon realized that it is was not easy for anyone being related to the pastor family. You were always held at a higher standard. So I decided to adventure out to different locations around town. The second church that I went to I had the pastor pull me in his office after a very moving service and tell me I was not welcomed back to his church. Seriously, do people really do that? So I began my journey again. I found a church that I liked a lot. At this point I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time. I began to go through a spiritual crisis. I didn't know what I believed personally. I was raised one way and decided to go with it. But at 18 I decided to explore my options. I wrote a letter to a close friend at the time explaining how I felt, which led to an awful meeting with that pastor.You can guess where that meeting went.

At this time I was in my junior year of high school and was tired of the "church" and decided I wasn't even going down that road again. It was at that point that I met Keith. Barely knowing him I shared that I had no desire for church and that people were stupid for judging. He explained that not all church people are like that and I should go with him and try it out. And I did, which led to me feeling loved by God's people. You see the issue here is that it was not the same denomination as I had grown up with. But the people were not judging me and they loved me. At this point I found my dedication to the church. It didn't come easy. Actually my dad argued with me because he thought I was throwing my life away.

I remember the summer Keith and I met. We agreed that we would only date for the summer and then break up when it was time for me to finish high school and for him to go to ONU. LOL.....who really thought that would work. Needless to say January I was graduating mid term from high school and packing my bags for ONU.

A year into my journey at ONU my father lost all of his businesses and didn't know how he was going to pay for my college. This was probably one of the biggest times in my teen years that I had to lean on the Lord. You see I laid awake many nights at 2/3:00 in the morning crying because if there was no money to pay for college how would I make it. I found great comfort in that school, I loved the private small classrooms and godly women I was around.

Through much prayer, I was able to get a job and the help of my mom, I finished college. Which brings me to 5 years ago....

By the grace of God Keith and I were married. We had quite the journey that led to our wedding day. We did it, we were married, it finally happened, let life begin.

Before I had graduated from ONU I had done an internship at Lafayette First Church of the Nazarenes (LFCN) preschool, Kiddie Kollege. Funny how things work. A few months after we were married and a door opened for me to take the Director position. (Sitting back today I am wondering what I was thinking at 23 when I took that position, I love my job but seriously a 23 year old with such responsibility).

3 years ago Keith and I decided that we wanted to have kids and the journey began. at 10 weeks of being pregnant we found out that our baby's heart never started beating. (ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!) Seriously, why would God do such a thing! 3 months later we found out that we were pregnant with our second baby. Londyn Rae was our miracle baby. She had us on our toes from 23 weeks until it was time to deliver (check out my previous post to read her story). Londyn was due the same month that we lost our first baby. How awesome is God?! He knew that April would forever be an awful month and he gave me a baby to take the sorrow away and make it one of my favorite months.

You are asking why am I writing all of this. You see, yes I changed denominations 10 years ago and I do wear pants and probably look "worldly". But here is the truth, I love the Lord my God with all of my heart and soul. If it weren't for Keith stepping me in and walking me through this part of life called Faith I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be working in a Godly environment, I wouldn't have my husband, and I wouldn't have my girl.

Last weekend I was singing in the shower with Londyn (No, I do not sound better in the shower) part of the song 10,000 reasons. Bless the lord oh my soul;Oh my soul;Worship his holy name; Sing like never before;Oh my soul;I worship you holy name. Londyn began to join in with me and before you knew it we had our own worship gathering, just us and the shower curtain.

At that moment I realized that it didn't matter what others thought of me the day before. It doesn't matter  how people may view me because I have a story. A story of grace and second chances. A story that I will never forget. A story that if it were not for God intervening many times I might not be living nor where I am today. 

So the people that think they know the life that I live and think I am so far from the Lord. They couldn't be any more wrong than that. Does it really matter what we wear, where we worship or how? I don't think my God is that shallow. I don't think he cares. The times that I have visited my sister/brother-n-laws church in the past few years I have to say that those people know enough of my story to know that I live for my Lord. I appreciate that about them. (So if you are one of those people from Guide Point thank you for not judging, thank you for treating me like a Christian like yourself). The truth is My heart bleeds for my Lord. Because of this road I have chosen I have a little girl who sings this with all of her heart!

I feel blessed that I am loved by my Lord this much. I am thankful that I have a little girl that is growing to know just how big her God really is. 

We are still ALIVE!

Has it seriously been 3 months since I have blogged?!?! Seriously?!?! Crazy to think how fast time goes. So much has happened since I blogged last. I mean there was our trip to North Carolina for my mom's graduation, Memorial Day, Our anniversary and Londyn's first weekend stay at Mamaw and Papaws, Father's Day, and 4th of July! So to quickly give you an update of our crazy life....here ya go.

Londyn and I headed on for my moms in May. It was a wonderful time, maybe the best time I've had with her. I spent Mother's Day with my mom which was just great. I woke up to flowers, breakfast, and a wonderful lunch out. I'd like to show you a picture, but apparently I had too much fun that I forgot to do so :(. During our trip I found Londyn the princesses and Mickey Mouse that she was looking forward to seeing. We also had many park days full of fun. My Great grandma and Aunt came too. It was great to look back on how each of us have grown and caught up with the things life brought us. Anyways we had a blast the whole time, but sure were ready to see our daddy:)

Just a couple weeks ago Keith and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. This was a big weekend for me, it was the LONGEST I've been away from Londyn. We met our inlaws in Carmel for dinner and then returned home childless. Keith and I headed out to St. Louis for our trip after work on Thursday. We did a whole lot of eating, little sleeping, and a lot of thinking of our girl. I was dreading my time away from Londyn. But in the end I absolutely loved having some time alone with my husband.  Our trip ended us back in Bedford for Father's Day. The guys smoked a brisket, which was AMAZING!

The best breakfast out there!

Happy Anniversary

Our beautiful table at Ruth Chris

My handsome date

Our meal

Ready to see our girl

I think they missed each other

I sure missed her!

Happy Father's Day

Yesterday we celebrated Independence Day.  It was great. We had good friends, great food, and a wonderful time. Londyn was out by 9:00 and fireworks started on the TV at 10 (due to the burn ban). I think I made it through the first 5 minutes before I found myself asleep on the couch. It was the quietest fourth I've had.

I'm a sucker for black and white photos

Her fourth spirit

This is how she really felt

Pinterest dessert that was a hit 

Lots of dessert

Lots of food

Love this man!

This is how we chill

I'm adding this one just because I love my girl!

Sorry if I bored you through reading this, you actually might not even read to this point to get to my apology.

Here are pictures from our fun!