Randoms at 5am

I have been dealing with a sinus cold the past few days, resulting in very little sleep. Last night I was able to take some strong Lozenges and Sudafed, I feel it working. I believe I finally crawled out of bed at 4 this morning, after not being able to sleep but a few minutes since about 3:45. I have so much on my mind and not sure if I know or understand it all.
I've been hearing all about "the nesting instinct" that comes at the end of a pregnancy. This is kind of hard to take care of since I am on bed rest, but I have to admit that every once in a while I can't help myself. I find myself straightening baby blankets, counting clothes, sanitizing toys that she won't play with for a few more months. Rest assure that I do all of this sitting down:).
I can't stop thinking about what I will be doing this time next week. I've heard a new baby eats every 2 to 3 hours. So I will probably be in the middle of one of her feedings. Strangely enough, I can't wait to share these feedings with her. For 8.5 months I have had the privilege of feeling every little movement that she makes, something only I could enjoy for the most part. I am hoping that the feedings are the same way, just a special bonding time between her and I.
I also think about how nothing in life will ever be the same again. Sleepless nights, 4 nightly feedings, diaper changes, burping, and rocking back to sleep. Sounds exhausting, but I am so ready to take on the challenge. The joy has to override the rest.
Then it comes to the many relationships that she will develop through out her life time and how little/much we will influence them. I worry about her knowing my family. Nothing with my family has ever been normal, but up until about 12 years ago things were tolerable. Now I am not sure if she will know the old family. I wrote in my "all about me" section on facebook about 6 years ago that I wanted to raise my children different than I was raised. I am not sure that exposing peanut to the "real" family will be a good idea. I see many questions coming about why this? Whose that? Not sure if I will know how to answer those questions. I just want her to keep her innocence for as long as possible. We all know that no child should know/see some of the things that go on in my family.
Through all of my thinking lately, I have came to a conclusion. A conclusion that I can pray for her every day, dedicate her to the Lord, teach her the right things, and hope that her path is the path of the Lord. I also hope to enjoy the little things, the joys that she brings.