Randoms at 5am

I have been dealing with a sinus cold the past few days, resulting in very little sleep. Last night I was able to take some strong Lozenges and Sudafed, I feel it working. I believe I finally crawled out of bed at 4 this morning, after not being able to sleep but a few minutes since about 3:45. I have so much on my mind and not sure if I know or understand it all.
I've been hearing all about "the nesting instinct" that comes at the end of a pregnancy. This is kind of hard to take care of since I am on bed rest, but I have to admit that every once in a while I can't help myself. I find myself straightening baby blankets, counting clothes, sanitizing toys that she won't play with for a few more months. Rest assure that I do all of this sitting down:).
I can't stop thinking about what I will be doing this time next week. I've heard a new baby eats every 2 to 3 hours. So I will probably be in the middle of one of her feedings. Strangely enough, I can't wait to share these feedings with her. For 8.5 months I have had the privilege of feeling every little movement that she makes, something only I could enjoy for the most part. I am hoping that the feedings are the same way, just a special bonding time between her and I.
I also think about how nothing in life will ever be the same again. Sleepless nights, 4 nightly feedings, diaper changes, burping, and rocking back to sleep. Sounds exhausting, but I am so ready to take on the challenge. The joy has to override the rest.
Then it comes to the many relationships that she will develop through out her life time and how little/much we will influence them. I worry about her knowing my family. Nothing with my family has ever been normal, but up until about 12 years ago things were tolerable. Now I am not sure if she will know the old family. I wrote in my "all about me" section on facebook about 6 years ago that I wanted to raise my children different than I was raised. I am not sure that exposing peanut to the "real" family will be a good idea. I see many questions coming about why this? Whose that? Not sure if I will know how to answer those questions. I just want her to keep her innocence for as long as possible. We all know that no child should know/see some of the things that go on in my family.
Through all of my thinking lately, I have came to a conclusion. A conclusion that I can pray for her every day, dedicate her to the Lord, teach her the right things, and hope that her path is the path of the Lord. I also hope to enjoy the little things, the joys that she brings.

Great to see you this morning, what's your name?

It is interesting to find out how visitors are greeted and feel about it. This weekend it was great to have Keith's cousin and family up. Saturday night was full of DMB and laughing at the kids. Sunday morning was church, lunch, and back at the house to talk and laugh at the kids more. Little Audrey all weekend wanted to tell her joke, but couldn't work up the nerve. So yesterday we finally heard it, "What did Tigger see when he looked in the toilet?" "Pooh" Audrey just thought that was the funniest thing, she was laughing before she could get the joke out.
After hearing her great joke we began to talk about the service. One thing that was brought up was the way that they were greeted. Yes they had some hand shakes during the "meet and greet" time. But other than that there were a selected few that actually introduced themselves or made them feel important.
See I struggle with this every Sunday myself. My excuses are not good enough but here they are.... a.) I'm shy, everyone knows that. b.)What if I have introduced myself before, but was too busy to remember. c.) How many times have they been here, what if I have never noticed them before and now I will look like a bone head. I think I would feel just as unwelcome if it took someone 3 weeks to finally notice me. I always want people to feel welcomed as I would have wanted. I am really wanting to work on my "meet and greet" skills.
Here is the question..... How do you greet someone (not knowing if they have visited before) and make them feel special? Now this could be a step in becoming a member, huh? Learning how to greet new comers.

Let go and let God

I have never really gotten involved in Lent years past. I don't really remember it being talked about or celebrated raising up. This year I have really pondered on what it should be that I give up for the first time. My whole life I have tried over and over again to give it all to God, as I stated in yesterday's blog. I always took things to the alter praying that I would leave them there, I don't know that I can honestly say that I have always done that. It is hard to give full control to someone I have never "physically" met. So this year I am working on giving up control and letting God. So for Lent I can't say that many would think that it is a true sacrifice, however, for me it is huge. I am the biggest scardy cat you have ever met. I don't like scary movies, staying home by myself, watching local news in fear that something scary is happening in Lafayette. I also think that there is someone that hides on in the closet at night and someone who always wants in the apartment after we go to bed. In the recent months Keith has started to leave a kitchen light on for me so I can see into the front of the apartment. As well as, leaving the bathroom light on so I can see down the little hallway. I am going to face my fears in the next 38 days and lean on God for comfort rather than a light.
Last night was the first night in this for me, I got a late start. When I woke up at 2 to go to the bathroom, I laid in bed hoping that the urge would go away so that I didn't have to face the dark apartment. It didn't so I bravely got up, reminding myself that God is my protector. 4 oclock came around and I did it again. The second time a little less brave getting back to the bedroom.
Like I said I know that it is silly for many, however it is a huge step for me to let God be in control.
I have to remind myself that I serve a Mighty God!

Am I faithful enough for Him?

This morning I woke up not feeling well. I decided to sit for a while in silence, anyone that knows me knows I hate silence. Interesting what God can do in a few moments of silence. I sat here wondering why I was choosing this morning to sit in silence, missing all my morning news and talk shows. Then I began to think about Lint and the meaning of it. I began to think about the many scarifies that God made for ME. Then I began to think back to a few months ago in the prayer room at spiritual retreat where I began to make many promises to God and laying it all in his hands. As I sat there that day drawing a picture of Keith and I with our baby at the foot of the cross, I made a promise that I would hand over my marriage, pregnancy, and family to God, giving Him full control. Who knew that the next weekend our baby's life would be put in danger and that I would be placed on bed rest? I also recall trying to pick up the pieces and take things into my own hands since God wasn't doing it the way I wanted. I remember getting angry at God because he let me down! It was His fault that I was hoping for another week to go by so our baby had a better chance of living!

Quickly, I was reminded that He still had control of the situation, he hasn't let me down yet, it's not His fault.

So as I am reminded today of that night in the prayer room when I gave it all to Him, I am also reminded that he never gives up on me. There was one song that I listened to that night, called This is our God. That song has more meaning in it than could ever be explained. The line that sits heavy in my heart today is He brings glory to the humble and crown to the faithful. I am left with the question Am I faithful enough for that crown?

Every little movement....

I have really been reflecting on this pregnancy a lot lately. Tuesday night, I slept the entire night waking up at 7:15 realizing it was probably time to go the bathroom. Of course, since I didn't wake up for a restroom break through out the night, I begin to have fears of the pregnancy. My first thought is, I'm not pregnant she didn't push on my bladder. So as I sat here all morning just waiting for our baby to move, giving me relief. When she started she didn't stop:).

I remember at the beginning of my pregnancy sitting in Sunday School and saying I just want to feel her move and know everything is okay. Someone had said to me, "you are going to be one of those women who love every little movement". Yes, yes, I will be.

Last night my husband had me listen to a Rob Bell sermon about God's timing. There was a couple who gave their testimony of miscarriages and finally having a successful pregnancy. The lady talked about how every little movement was a blessing, how worried she was about something going wrong.

I was/am so that person. This whole pregnancy has brought on many emotions. In the beginning we were worried about sharing our joy of being pregnant, with the fear that we would lose this baby too. Then hearing that heartbeat for the first time was one of the best days of our lives. In December we found out that I have placenta previa, which as long as the baby was okay, so were we. Later in December being rushed to the hospital and realizing that we were not out of the tunnel yet, was a hard thing to accept. Each Wednesday marks another week of a healthy pregnancy.
I am that crazy person who chuckles at a little tickle in my belly, cries at a kick I have longed to feel, and filled with joy for every movement that my husband can experience with me.

I am so ready for April to be here, so that we can have our bundle of joy safe in our arms. She will truly be a blessing like no other, a miracle in our eyes.

Day 5 of bed rest

Things just became interesting, to say the least, this past week. After waking to what felt and looked like a murder scene, rushing to two emergency rooms, having many needles and such poking me, and finally hearing a heartbeat, I can say we survived to say the least. The doctor has placed me on bed rest until at least the end of January if not longer. You would think that I would enjoy being at home in my pj's all day. Which I would if I could also clean the house and act as a wife. Right now my wonderful husband is, husband, wife, daddy-to-be, and worker. It's really hard sitting knowing that there are a million things to do.
I appreciate Lisa Epsteen for setting up meals for us, even though there's only two of us, it helps so much for Keith to not have to come home and cook too.
Other than struggling with not being able to do things around the house. I struggle with being away from Kiddie Kollege. I can honestly say that I never knew I would miss it like I do. I just think about the cries, laughs, hugs, talking about whats in my belly, the wonderful support of my staff. Lets just say that I will so be ready to go back to work:).
I am praying that bed rest will become easier however, not sure that it will, maybe even harder.

The great thing about today is that we have made it to week 24 of the pregnancy! If peanut was born today she would have a chance of survival. We have many milestones to work towards. The next milestone is week 28, this is the same week that our next dr. appt. If we make it there then our next goal will be week 32. Another goal that we have is that we are trying to stay out of the hospital as long as possible.

Through all of this, I keep reminding myself that in a few months this is going to be worth it all. So right now I am enjoying every little kick and punch while sitting in my chair with pillows, heating pad, blanket, computer, remote, and phone.

Our little girl will be with us very soon...she will be/ is our miracle.

Our precious baby girl

About a week ago we were able to see our unborn little girl. She was kicking, punching, squirming, sucking her thumb, you name it she was doing it. It just amazed me how much she was moving and yet I couldn't feel every kick and punch. Seeing her makes.....the aches, pains, minutes of finding a comfortable position, the oversized bump that is turning my walks into waddles...all worth it.

The doctor has shared with us that I have complete placenta previa. Meaning that the baby is perfectly healthy and growing right on schedule, however the placenta is in the way of delivery. At this time we are looking at delivery via c-section a week early. Most likely will be out of work a month before her arrival. Just glad to hear that she is growing as planned:)

After seeing her move all around she has her daddy wrapped around her little pinky. He is waiting so patiently to feel her move, but she is just not ready for that yet. Doesn't she know this is the only time that it is okay to kick her daddy? Hoping that this will happen in a few weeks:)

We will be at 22 weeks this week, seems pretty amazing that we are at this point. Realizing that we are over half way with the pregnancy puts a little anxiety in us. Like what crib is perfect, what house will fit our family, what name should our little one have that will say so much, are we ready for her? We want everything to be perfect for our little blessing as she enters this world.

So for the next 4.5 months we will prepare for her arrival in so many ways. Can't wait to have her little fingers wrap around mine. It is going to be pure bliss. Thank you Lord for a healthy little girl!