From the Inside out

Lately I have really thought about my faith and where I stand as a Christian. The past few months I have found myself so angry and bitter with God and people. My own insecurities has caused my trust levels to go to zero. I have just been lost for the way that I feel inside. So many times I am on cloud nine, living life as it is. However, there are those times when I don't know who I am. I become so unsure of myself, abilites, and attributes. Where do I go next in my life. I have found that the quiet times of my life are the worse. I can't handle a quiet car ride, shower, or house at night. my mind takes me to places that it should never go. Fears become so great and unbearable, that I find myself fighting off those who love me the most.
As I have been in this doubting stage of my life I have searched for songs that express how I feel. 1st song, very common, I surrendar All (however I fail at this, because I just pick it up after laying it at the alter). So I have chosen this song to be my prayer.

Hillsong- From the Inside Out. http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=inside+out+lyrics&docid=817241063500&FORM=VIRE4

A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains, And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace, Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame, my heart and my soul, Lord I give
you control, Consume me from the inside out Lord, Let justice and praise become
my embrace, To love You from the inside out, Your will above all else, my purpose
remains, The art of losing myself in bringing you praise, Everlasting, Your light will
shine when all else fades, Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame, In my heart,
in my soul, Lord I give you control, Consume me from the inside out Lord, Let justice
and praise become my embrace, To love You from the inside out
Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, Never ending, Your glory goes
beyond all fame, And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise, From the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out.

Amazing song, that has helped me to realize that I just need to let him began working from the inside out and cure me of this "disease"

Addicted to Facebook

Okay so here is my confession of the week. I am addicted to Facebook. I guess that it could be considered a good thing although, I don't know how any addiction is good other than to Jesus.

Some people tweet what they are doing, I refuse to join that group. I prefer to update my status on Facebook. In the past few months my mom and oldest sister joined facebook. Since they have joined I have felt like we are connected. It has been hard living in a different state or city than them and still try to stay connected. Everyone knows that I am not a talker on the phone, I would rather have the phone for texting, talking to my husband when he is away, and for emergency.

I love emailing my mom to see how she is doing. My sister and I have like now time to talk or email. Which brings me to facebook. Facebook you don't have to write these great long stories and convos. Rather it becomes a bunch of continual small conversations that could go on for days.

Here is what our conversation was lastnight:

Kimber Deckard Thanks Julie, Sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite and Sleep snug as a bug in a rug were what dad would say when getting off the phone with me in High School, I miss that. Night All.
10:01pm
Julie Perry at 10:06pm June 4
:) Love ya and miss ya very much!
Tina Shampine Thompson at 10:09pm June 4
good night jim bob, good night mary ellen....
Julie Perry at 10:14pm June 4
What in the world! :)
Tina Shampine Thompson at 10:18pm June 4
don't you remember the waltons.. at the end when they all went to bed every night that is what you would hear.. good night jim bob, good night mary ellen..lol you and kimber were beginning to sound like jim bob and mary ellen lol
Julie Perry at 10:27pm June 4
Okay, now it makes since, but I don't remember the Waltons:) Maybe that was before my time!lol
Kimber Deckard at 10:30pm June 4
Love and miss you both!!!
Julie Perry at 10:32pm June 4
Hey I thought I put you to bed!
Julie Perry at 10:33pm June 4
You are just like Zara! She has to get night kisses at least twice after I put her to bed!
Tina Shampine Thompson at 10:36pm June 4
that's a little sister for you always under foot somewhere but hey be glad she isn't trying to climb in your bed LOL
Julie Perry at 10:37pm June 4
True... very true! She just climbs into Kristin's bed:) Alexus kicks her out!
Tina Shampine Thompson at 10:43pm June 4
just like you used to do kimber and she would have to go climb in with gina that is probably why she started her sleep walking.. oh the memories....flopping around in the bathtub in the middle of the night and ringing the door bell at 2 am because she managed to get outside but couldn't figure out how to get back in...tell lexi to go easy on her so she doesn't pick up aunt kimmys bad habits lol
Julie Perry at 10:45pm June 4
Alexus isn't too sympathic to Zara's needs!
Kimber Deckard at 9:18am June 5
Now I know who to blame for all my corks:) jkjk...I hit the bed and that was all she wrote:)

I know that it is not a serious conversation, but I don't remember the last time that my mom and sister talked. I love my family, they are amazing. It has just been a joy connecting again. Love them....