Let go and let God

I have never really gotten involved in Lent years past. I don't really remember it being talked about or celebrated raising up. This year I have really pondered on what it should be that I give up for the first time. My whole life I have tried over and over again to give it all to God, as I stated in yesterday's blog. I always took things to the alter praying that I would leave them there, I don't know that I can honestly say that I have always done that. It is hard to give full control to someone I have never "physically" met. So this year I am working on giving up control and letting God. So for Lent I can't say that many would think that it is a true sacrifice, however, for me it is huge. I am the biggest scardy cat you have ever met. I don't like scary movies, staying home by myself, watching local news in fear that something scary is happening in Lafayette. I also think that there is someone that hides on in the closet at night and someone who always wants in the apartment after we go to bed. In the recent months Keith has started to leave a kitchen light on for me so I can see into the front of the apartment. As well as, leaving the bathroom light on so I can see down the little hallway. I am going to face my fears in the next 38 days and lean on God for comfort rather than a light.
Last night was the first night in this for me, I got a late start. When I woke up at 2 to go to the bathroom, I laid in bed hoping that the urge would go away so that I didn't have to face the dark apartment. It didn't so I bravely got up, reminding myself that God is my protector. 4 oclock came around and I did it again. The second time a little less brave getting back to the bedroom.
Like I said I know that it is silly for many, however it is a huge step for me to let God be in control.
I have to remind myself that I serve a Mighty God!

Am I faithful enough for Him?

This morning I woke up not feeling well. I decided to sit for a while in silence, anyone that knows me knows I hate silence. Interesting what God can do in a few moments of silence. I sat here wondering why I was choosing this morning to sit in silence, missing all my morning news and talk shows. Then I began to think about Lint and the meaning of it. I began to think about the many scarifies that God made for ME. Then I began to think back to a few months ago in the prayer room at spiritual retreat where I began to make many promises to God and laying it all in his hands. As I sat there that day drawing a picture of Keith and I with our baby at the foot of the cross, I made a promise that I would hand over my marriage, pregnancy, and family to God, giving Him full control. Who knew that the next weekend our baby's life would be put in danger and that I would be placed on bed rest? I also recall trying to pick up the pieces and take things into my own hands since God wasn't doing it the way I wanted. I remember getting angry at God because he let me down! It was His fault that I was hoping for another week to go by so our baby had a better chance of living!

Quickly, I was reminded that He still had control of the situation, he hasn't let me down yet, it's not His fault.

So as I am reminded today of that night in the prayer room when I gave it all to Him, I am also reminded that he never gives up on me. There was one song that I listened to that night, called This is our God. That song has more meaning in it than could ever be explained. The line that sits heavy in my heart today is He brings glory to the humble and crown to the faithful. I am left with the question Am I faithful enough for that crown?