So I don't know what to say or what to do at this point. If I lay here then I think about things I should not think about. The only thing that seems to keep my mind off of the rocky road is facebook, blogging, and emails. Today Keith and I received some rough news. We are loosing our 1st baby. Complications started on Monday; Tuesday we had an ultrasound showing the baby only at 6 weeks while I was thinking I was 8.5 weeks.; also on Tuesday we ran blood test to check my HcG levels. Today I had my second blood work done to find out that my HcG levels (hormones) are descending. The baby has now been dead for 3 weeks as of today. It's little heart never started beating. I am dealing with a lot of pain both in my heart and physically.
It is amazing how much you can love and care for something you hadn't ever met. All of the pain will soon be over hopefully in a few days. I believe that Keith and I are ready for it to all be over and life to go back to what it was before all of this happened. Here is what I remember from friends in the past:
One friend said this with their recent miscarriage: It was never ours, God never gave it to us.
Thought: Realizing and thinking about this, has made me thankful that this baby never has to face this cold and crazy world. The other great thing, it has made it to Heaven before me.
Another friend said this: When loosing our baby we were angry wondering why it happened to us. But now we realize that we would not have had our boy if the other baby made it.
Thought: this is not the end for us. We have all intentions of continuing in family planning. I will some day be able to say that our other baby would not be here if this baby made it.
I do know this, Life is crazy and uncontrollable. I just want all of this to be over with quickly. One moment all is fine and I look up to the positive side of it. Another moment I am crying wondering why this happened to us. I know that God has a plan for our life and we are ready to move on to what is in his will.
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4 comments:
Kimber - there are no words that I can offer but I love you and Keith and will be praying for your pain (emotionally and physically). Know you are loved!!
K,
Love you with all my heart. Everything you are feeling right now is normal. My prayers are with you during this time. Call me if you need anything.
Peace be with you and Keith.
Here is the interesting thing about today being the day that this all happens. I can't compare my pain to Jesus' 2,000 years ago, I just can't imagine much more pain than what I felt. Glory to the Lord Most High.
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